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Aug. 23rd, 2010

self/

Just remember this.

when I'm feeling easy & free.
just remember the reason I was on the floor crying..
it was all you. you & your words.
As easy as that

yea I talk, you talk louder, I pick fights, you start wars.
I start joking, you change the tone.
I start laughing, you start hating my voice.


do you get where I'm going with this?
safety pins & discussions.
I'm sewing the patches on this "relationship"
& I'm too busy painting that portrait of grief + self consciousness...

hate it, hate it, hate it.
I can't find the middle where it seems.

Jul. 23rd, 2010

self/

This pair of pants

Ok so here it goes:
I met you in November, life was wierd. I met you again in April, life was boring & predictable.
You started becoming a constant ever since the begining of may.
It was fun, carefree, & light at first.
I started to talk to you more, & I realized how much you needed to become apart of my life...
May was filled with pure bliss. There was nothing I remember about may that didn't involve butterflies the size of the animals, the constant tugging of my dress, & the way summer came so sweet...
You grew on me.
Like anything in life you came with ups & downs...
I came to embrace the good, and accept the not so good stuff...

June was a learning time.
I knew what made you stay & what made you go.
Things that made you crazy & things that included sanity.
Nothing is ever so simple in life as a box of chocolates.
Your heart became an intricate system that I learned to trace along with my finger..
And that's how I become puddy between your fingers.
It was your laugh, your face when I looked at you for the very first time, or your passion about music & life. All that just went hand in hand with you...

Jul. 20th, 2010

self/

LOOKBOOK.nu: Lua P

LOOKBOOK.nu: Lua P

Jul. 13th, 2010

self/

Last night, and the night before last.

I want to be happy.
What happened to you...
One morning I woke up and realized the people I thought I knew, were just strangers and the places I've been have become unfamiliar.

I've forgotten how to scribble down thoughts and faces. I've forgotten how to pick up a pen and hold my breath nor can I remember how paper feels. And if passion ever felt so lost?..
But why?
Because I've forgotten my name & lost my ambition.
I need to become lost in the unknowingless of tomorrow..
But I don't think the madness has caught up with me yet...

Colors have lost their pigment, the sky has lost it's vast space and time..
Words have started to loose meaning & the roots beneath me have been uprooted..
But isn't love supposed to be the opposite???
Time is spent more questioning the sanity of ones being than being out of your mind in love with someone.?? Who knows..

I thought there would be fireworks and passion made of being and every color of the spectrum....

I have come to be more disappointed with this day after DAY...
Tags:

Jun. 10th, 2010

self/

Life-stoned

The months of January thru April I spent 95% of that time stoned.
I wish I was kidding, but that's the truth...

Because that's 2 years of being hung up on a guy is all about...
I'm not sure why I don't get high anymore..
This thought of sobreity troubles me..
Ever since the great addiction of 2008 I've been bouncing around frm
substances to other forms of enlightenment...

Maybe I should just go off things,
but then life would just be boring without drugs to go around..
Ayaya..

We'll how far I go with "sobreity" haha
self/

Give me sympathy

I want to hear music, skipping beats, and forever melodies..
recite me poems, sonnets, and some shakespeare, won't you?
And why aren't the pixies playing everytime I see you coming my way..?

Why can't there be choruses playing all day in my head..
I want MADNESS when I see you..
And I want to feel feverish when I touch you....
But I can't seem to get the song right?

I need to know you feel the same way.
That's all, write a song, mix some beats, play me something from your heart...

Won't you??

Jun. 6th, 2010

self/

Today will be another day

I'll get funnier,
we'll get older,
things will seem brighter,
time will become a friend again,
and I just might make it.

My happiness is my own, I do not need anyone else's,
my brain is my defense mechanism.
You can't take anything from me, that I have not already given away...
You're hopeless and I'm a mess ...

Let's just be real and admit we're not the same.
I don't really know who I thought you were/ who I wanted you to be.
Cause that guy is long gone now.
You're someone else who I can't seem to read.
Why i even felll for that was beyond me...

May. 25th, 2010

self/

WHY CANT YOU JUST LET ME HAVE MY CAKE ALREADY ?

fuck you.
I keep on bindy walking into walls, falling into holes, and stumbling onto landmines/
or maybe walls and broken humans just stumble onto me.
im not quite sure yet,
cause it all seems relevant enough...
they find me, i find them.
"emotionally unavailable" fits me quite right, right this second.



either or, they know where to find me.
because theres a sign posted on my front door "POOR, CUTE, VULNERABLE GIRL lives here"
enter at will.
fuck you/
because thats what they all do enter when it seems conveniant and then leave when it feels right.
Sure its not what he asked for right, but its what i asked for.
That silent clause that states "I'll stick around, and not wind up getting A BITCH PREGNANT, well 5 months before I met you" kinda shit.....

Oh well shit just seems to happen, follows me where i go, plagues my nervous system, destoys my liver, and wreaks havoc on my fragile heart :(

all this in a month.....
congratulations universe//

May. 11th, 2010

self/

Best kiss of 2009

Ok here it goes:
I was wearing my favorite dress. We were standing outside mike's old apartment in Bermuda dunes. We were talking the whole night. He held my hand out and kissed it, he was in the navy. God he grabbed me by the hand we went outside. We talked and the entire time we talked he looked at me, the mysterious way no oter man can look at me.

His eyes were not filled with lust.
He looked at me and I felt my knees get a little weak.
It was strange. One moment we were talking about politics and the state of California. Yada yada
The next he looked at his shoes and then glanced up locked eyes with me then asked "is it so crazy that I wanna kiss you right now.." of course followed by AWWZ.
I wasn't so sure, cause I knew these guys and knew or wasn't quite sure what they would say.
But I looked at him.
And he looked like all he ever really wanted to do tonight was kiss Teresa Garcia.
I couldn't help it. But I liked to see him work for it. So he did a little convincing, Which was pretty original and helplessly adorable.

I then tell him to shut up and placed my hand on his cheek.
He then leaned in and it happened......
He placed his hand on my hip and the rest was lovely.
The wind was warm, the night was late, and everything was right where it was supposed to be....

We haven't seen eachother since that night.
He's in the navy stationed in Hawaii and I'm here doing god knows what...
Oh well.

It was still the greatest kiss of 2009.
self/

Last nights' shoes.

Anxiety is like this rabid creature that comes out at night. And it happens to prey on people like me...
It's like a pair of shoes that don't fit.
It's a child tugging at your dress.
It's people speaking in a crowded room..
It a cassette tape stuck on repeat.

Inside my brain is this on-going battle of struggle between the forces of sanity and the grapples of HELL...

It's a drawn match.
We wait to see who wins each day:(

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